A life without the word “no” is not a life at all. A missing “no” leaves you with a sense of powerlessness because you have no defense against the demands and expectations of others. People pick away at your energy, talent and time because you have given up control over your world by not setting boundaries. This leaves you with the need to manipulate or avoid people and situations. Little by little your world shrinks and your stress level rises, until you are isolated and alone. Your are letting fear lead, fear of rejection, fear of disappointing others, and you increase your insecurities and decrease your sense of self worth – all because you chose not to say no.
You may ask yourself how can one simple little word be so important, yet so difficult to use. Chances are you grew up in a world where love was conditional, that is, you received it only when you did what others demanded of you – follow your own path and emotional support disappeared. This happened when you were a child, dependent and helpless; now you’re an adult and if you deicide to change this you will also change your life. Only you truly know what is right and wrong for you, so step up to the plate and take a stand. Real love stays present even when you disagree; it’s there because it values all of you. The truth is confrontation is essential to happiness. You may think that avoiding it creates harmony, when in truth it does the opposite. Your anger goes inward, frustration builds and you block your forward movement because someone else has a conflicting desire. Don’t let others determine your destiny! You decide who enters and under what circumstances they stay, and if you guard your gate well, a sense of safety will prevail. Saying no shifts you from defending yourself, to creating a world you love through choice. The domino effect takes you upward: your instincts get stronger, new experiences are eagerly embraced, opportunities appear and controlling relationships are out – after all you’re in charge of your own life.
I believe that 80% of most problems stem from the lack of this little word no. The solution is simple commit to conquering your fear and practice, practice by repeating in your minds eye word for word what you wanted to say to your boyfriend, husband, friend or boss. Repeat it and give your mind a new path, a new pattern to trust. If you do this every time you miss an opportunity to express your truth, then one day very soon, the words will just come forth – they’ll fall out of your mouth on their own volition. You will feel so good about this new skill that you will actually begin to look forward to your next confrontation. As you learn to say no, anger will dissipate and the path to your greatest potential will unfold. So make a commitment today to master the word “no,” make it a part of your repertoire and change your life.
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